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Tuesday, November 27th, 2007

My Weekend In The Strangest Hotel Ever...
Posted @ 9:12am

I left town this past weekend to the wonderful Champagne-Urbana (not sure which I was in..), Illinois to hang out with some good people that I really don't see enough of. Therefore, in honor my trip, I'm dedicating all of todays posts to m journey through Illinois. Sadly, there were no lesbian midgets, homeless people, or even a guy dressed up in a wizard outfit, trying to outsmart me in some retarded debate.

However, there was a Knight statue, that seemed to be scratching his junk in a most unsubtle way.

Anyway, before the trip I figured it would be best to know what kind of hotel I was going to be staying, so I did some research, and read up on the reviews for the....interesting Historic Lincoln Hotel.

Here are just a few snippets from the reviews I read, hours before I left town.

"Stayed here for one night when we were in town for a baseball tournament.... Room wasnt too bad...although there were some stains on the curtain (which we thought was blood) and dead spiders in the shower...."

The room, was actually one of the ugliest rooms I have ever seen....but other than being an eye sore, I didn't think it was that bad either. I also noticed stains on my curtains, but I really don't think it was blood, I think they were just old and faded.

"Dinning room at night was wicked crazy cause it was like 12:00 when we went in there and there was some scary music goin on in there and a door creaked" so we ran out of there........"

The dining room was a little creepy. The entire hotel looks like the perfect place to film an old vampire movie. That music playing was actually classical music. Ever since I've been home, I can still hear it lightly playing in the background....freaks me out a bit.

"Another quirk is the shopping mall attached to the hotel, a remnant of the 1970's. This also is run down and largely vacant, housing a community theater, coffee shop, health club and Hallmark shop."

This was actually one of my favorite parts about the place. They have a mall connected to the hotel lobby...but they don't lock the doors to it when it closes. We actually were roaming this mall at midnight, with nobody in there. I later found out there were supposed to be motion detectors in there...but if there were I didn't notice. It was also weird, because at 9am, the mall was packed, but by 2pm it seemed like 90% of the stores had closed, and by 5pm, half the lights were out.

Isn't Thanksgiving weekend supposed to be prime shopping time?

Also, I have never seen so many fucking "mall walkers" in my entire life. I used to work at a mall, so I'm aware they exist, but there were like 30 of them. That was actually the only decent use I saw for the mall. The stores sucked, they closed early, might as well let scary old people pace around it a few times.

I also want to add, they were very thorough with it too...they literally hit every corner in the mall.

"Room 411 is crazy. A woman hung herself in this room around 1930 on the night of her wedding. It is said that she still haunts the building, and you can really tell in this room. There is no heat, and bad television choices. But the freakiness is the worst part."

This wasn't the only review that I read that mentioned the place may actually be haunted. I got to the hotel at night, and if I hadn't of read these reviews, I probably would have figured it was haunted on my own.

I was sad to learn that the hotel is NOT haunted. If it is, ghosts have no interest in me, whatsoever. If that's the case, they obviously have poor taste!

I did wander past room 411, in hopes of seeing something strange...but instead, all I heard was people getting it on.

To make it worse....I'm pretty sure they were fat, and unattractive.

In retrospect, I was a little concerned about the hotel totally sucking, but after I got used to the cold halls, it started to grow on me. I'd like to say I can't wait to see it again next year, but I hear they're going out of business, which is sad. If you're rich, and want a creepy ass hotel, look up The Historic Lincoln Hotel. It'd be a shame to see the place go.

On top of that, the staff there was great. Although, I have a strange feeling that if you asked them to make you a beer bong, they would either offer you trash, or bring you pumpkin pie...but besides that, they're fantastic....oh, except for the creepy overnight front desk clerk. That guys a douche! Sure, I was giving him rediculous demands, but he could've humored me a little. I think I ended up pissing him off pretty bad, and then locked myself out of my room. So after a night of me giving this guy shit for the ridiculous things he wouldn't do for me....I had to beg for an extra key to my room.

Out of all of them though, I'd say Dena was the best. If that place actually had money, I'd tell them to give her a raise. Anyone that will help a giant old man up off the floor, deserves a little extra in their check!

That's just my opinion.
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Beowulf 3-Fucking-D
Posted @ 10:28am

During the trip, we decided to go check out Beowulf, in 3D. I wasn't really familiar with the poems of Beowulf, but I had nothing better to do, so, why not?

Quite possibly, the greatest fucking thing I have witnessed in a long time.

If you haven't seen it, you need to, and I while I'm sure it's great without the 3D....it is absolutely amazing with it.

Stop what you're doing, and go see it now!

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The Rottenness & Evil In Me
Posted @ 10:43am

I've taken this trip for the past 10 years...

10 years ago...if I was offered the choice of giving up everything I had...

Everyone I knew....

And staying there forever....

I probably would have done it without even thinking twice.

I went there this year looking for an answer that I didn't even know the question to.

When I found it...all it lead to were more questions.

"I could tell you, the wildest of tales.
My friend the giant and traveling sails.
Tell you, all the times that I've failed.
The years all behind me, the stories exhaled.
And I'm drying out,
crying out,
this isn't how I go.
I could tell you of man not so tall,
who said lifes a circus
and so we are small.
Tell you, of a girl that I saw.
I froze in the moment, and she changed it all."

I'll figure it out one day.
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