Friday, April 20th, 2007

Light That Shit, Smoke That Shit, PAASSSS That Shit
Posted @ 10:05pm

Is it gay, if I want the mascot for Hamburger Helper to give me a hand job?

Just curious...
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Sign The Wall//IM Me

Hella Mad Chronic Smoke
Posted @ 9:45pm

It's 2007 now, if my calender is correct. I understand fads come and go, but sometimes, they tend to linger around...like a scar.

I would like to make an attempt to maybe start covering up some of those scars, but I need the help from you, the world.

And I'm starting with my list of trendy phrases, that I would like to never hear spoken again. Mainly because they are lame, out dated, and just not funny.

1) "You can say that again"

First of all, if I ever do want someone to "say that again", I'm either going to say, "what?" or, my personal favorite, "Dude, I can't fucking understand what you are saying, will you pretty fucking please repeat yourself, before I jam this chopstick up you fucking hairy ass nose hole!!!!".

2) "WWHHHAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

It was maybe at best, mildly amusing when it fist came out, like 10 fucking years ago, but now it just plain pisses me off!

3) "That's my name, don't wear it out"

Okay, not only is that shit gay, but what the fuck does that even mean???

4) "Close, but no Cigar"

This makes me think of an old fat rich man, in a jumping contest, desprately trying to grab the million dollar hand rolled cigar hanging from the ceiling.

And I don't smoke cigars, so STOP SAYING THAT!

5) "I'm all that and a bag of chips"

Do I even need to say anything about that one?

There is one though, that never gets old. It is my personal favorite, and I beg of you people to keep it alive.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!!"

Old people falling.....fucking cracks me up!

I'm going to hell, who's coming with me?
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Sign The Wall//IM Me

I Will Stone You
Posted @ 9:18pm

It's 420 once again. McDonalds picked a bad day to give out free samples!

Chill stoners, the free samples ended @ 2pm.

But by now, if any of you are reading this, I can only assume you're smokin a fatty, or chowing on some Doritoes.

Even as I type this, my nieghbors 13 year old daughter is sitting outside getting high.

And while all you people are trying to remember where you put your car keys, or laughing at the reruns of South Park, I leave you this to ponder on...

A few years ago, back when rock music was better, and Diddy was still going by Puff Daddy, I had a conversation with a wise man, while passing the sticky green.

The room was smokey, and the bottle of communtiy water we were sippin on was piss warm, and I had a craving for Resse Cups like nobodys buisness, but it was one of the greatest moments in my life (right below my marriage, the birth of my daughter, and my first time). For on that night, we devised a way to...

Kill Gumby

Kill Gumby?

Yeah, how to fucking kill Gumby. Sounds easy, but let me tell you....it is not.

In fact there is only 1 way to kill Gumby, and when the day comes that Gumby leaps out of whatever clay can he's living in, I will be prepared.

Once again, since a majority of you are high, I will help you out.

Everyones first reaction is:

"Aw, shit dude, I'd just pull out my shotty, and blow that fuckers brains out!"

Okay, dude, he's clay, he can kinda take on the charictaristics of T2 (for all you living under a rock.....or my wife, t2 is the bad Terminator from Terminator 2 thats like, liquid metal, or some shit).

So, NO! You can't just shoot that guy, that don't phase GUMBY. You can't chop him up, and you can't pull a Sylvester Stallone move from Demolition man, and freeze him, then kick his head off.

That will only piss Gumby off.

But once again....I know the answer, and when the day comes, that Gumby rises, and tries to enslave all of man kind....

I will be ready

I will take out him, and the ugly orange horse he rode in on.

I'm waiting for you Gumby.
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Sign The Wall//IM Me