Sunday, May 27th, 2007

I Thought Coloring My Testicles Blue Would Be A Good Idea
Posted @ 1:43am

Wifey decided to get one of those "How Well Do You Know Me?" tests on her myspace page. I took the test, knowing damn well a 100% score would silence her "hater" friends from talking so much shit about me. I took the test, totally confident that I had aced it.

I got a 70%

What the fuck?

I answered the following questions wrong:

How Many Piercings Do I Have?

A) 1
B) 2
C) 3
D) 4

The correct answer is 3! Her 2 ears, and her belly button.

The answer she put was 2!

Apparently, I wasn't aware that having both of your ears pierced counted as 1!

They're 2 different holes!!!

A needle, had to poke through you 2 times!!!

THAT IS 2 PIERCINGS!

I am well aware of how many holes my wife has in her body! I'm pretty sure, at some point in time, I've tried to stick my dick in all of them!

INCLUDING BOTH EARS

The next one I got wrong was:

What Do I Drink At The Bar?

A) Red Bull & Vodka
B) Bud Select
C) Bud Light
D) All of the above

I chose "B", bud select. She used to drink red bull & vodka, but complained that it got her drunk way too quick, so she switched to Bud Select. That's the only beer she drinks!

The answer was "all of the above"!

Because when they are out of Bud Select, she drinks Bud Light!

That's happened, like, once!?!

I should not be denied points for a technicality!

99.9% of the time, she is drinking bud select!

The one that really made me mad was this one:

Who Is My Favorite Singer/Band?

As soon as I saw the question, I knew the answer.

Rob Thomas!

Always has, and always will be, this chick is Rob Thomas crazy! We've been married for almost 4 years, and that's all I ever hear about!

These were the options:

A) Chris Daughtry
B) Justin Timberlake
C) Rob Thomas
D) Gwen Stefani

But, the one that's always been there is Rob.

The correct answer was Gwen Stefani!

WHAT?????

GWEN STEFANI??

WHEN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN??

FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF ROB THOMAS, AND NOW IT'S GWEN STEFANI???

This shit was rigged!

Now, all her friends are getting higher scores than me! All I'm gonna see on her myspace comments page for the next 5 months is:

"You're husband doesn't know you at all, because he's a loser! Leave him, and lemme hook you up with some random dumbass!"

TOTAL B.S.!

So, I decided, I'll make my own gay ass "friend test"!

I made a 10 question quiz, which is not rigged! All of this is stuff I have mentioned in my 4 years of marriage. My wife remembers way more shit about me than I do, so she should have no problem bustin out 100% on it.

If you know me, take the quiz, if you don't know me, take it anyway and see if you can top my wifes score!

Create your own Friend Test here

Hold On, I Gotta Take A Leak
Posted @ 1:30am

Sometimes, when I'm out in public places, I occasionally get bored. After a while, to keep my own sanity, I have to find ways to entertain myself. One of the best ways that I've learned to do that is, by fucking with random people!

I like to go into crowded public restrooms.

I place myself in a stall, drop my pants, and I pretend to cry, rather loudly.

Nothing is funnier than a guy taking a leak, trying to figure out why the guy who's taking a dump a few stalls down, is bawling like a bitch!

The best time/place to do this, is in a movie theater, after a big movie just ended. Like, when I saw Spiderman 3 the 2nd day it was out. If I wasn't with Aaron, I garuntee, I would be in a stall, pants to the floor, pretending to cry!

One time I actually had a guy ask me if I was okay!

I replied with:

"CAN'T A GUY TAKE A SHIT IN PEACE???"

Priceless.
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