Friday, June 8th, 2007

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane
Posted @ 6:53pm

I'm gonna be real with you people for a minute. I joke around about a lot of shit on this site. I claim to throw puppies and school girls off bridges for my own entertainment. I claim to drive 90 through residential zones, in a stolen drop top, while masturbating. I claim to pick my nose, and stick it up my sleeping wifes nose...

This is totally serious.

I HATE SENIOR CITIZENS!

I'm so tired of walking into places like, banks, grocerey stores, resturaunts, behind slow, old people. I don't want to be rude, and cut them off...but jesus man, my time is precious! Then, when I'm being polite, and slowly walking behind them, I look like a dumbass for not going around them.

The other day, I allowed this old man, who was walking slower than my wife after 4 beers and a shot, to go ahead of me into the bank. Now I let him go ahead in front of the door....so I'd look like a total douche if I cut past him, and got in line before him. Now I'm stuck taking baby steps while he walks 12 feet to the end of the line.

Do you understand how akward this is?

Then, when he finally gets helped, and he's finished, he decides to tell this bank teller (there were only 2, and they were going slow as fuck) about some stupid story, that she obviously didn't care about, for like, 20 fucking minutes!!

I got places to be man, when theres 2 fucking bank tellers, and I've waited in linefor 12 minutes, I want you to wrap up your shit, and be on your merry, old man, way!!

It's not only their slow pace that bugs me. The thing that really gets me is the fact, that they think that they deserve a huge discount on everything, just because they are old!

At my work, we give seniors a discount on small drinks. They can get a small coffee for 45 cents, which is 55 cents off, or a small drink for 43 cents, which is 74 cents off. These fuckers will come through, order an assload of shit, which never consists of drinks, and then tell me:

"And I have a Golden Buckeye Card"

Okay, I do not give a fuck! The guy before you had a fucking bus pass, but you didn't see me hooking him up, did you?

Some of them are just stupid about it, when they're done ordering, they'll say:

"And, I'm a senior!"

Really??

Are you really a senior??

Cuz I couldn't believe that your ugly, grey haired, wrinkled ass, was a day older than 31!

Luckily, senior citizens, are a dying breed!

That sounds fucked up, but it's true. With all the skater kids, gangstas, ugly, poser, emo kids in the world, I can only imagine the new stereo type for senior citizens in 50 years.

Although by the time I'm a fucking senior, I garuntee no ones going to be hooking me up with a fucking "senior citizens discount"!

You fucking assholes!
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So...I Fucked Miss Piggy, Kermit's Pissed
Posted @ 6:07pm

I had a dream that I got jumped by 8 dudes...

I guess that's what happens when you climb in someones window, and fill up a giant pitcher with Hi-C...

When I get that time machine, I'm going back to make sure I never do drugs.
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It's Official, I'm In Love With Myself
Posted @ 5:18pm

Alright, I'm getting back to work here. The updates have been....minimal as of late. I blew off other priorities, such as Chads site (sorry dude, I'm on it, I swear!), because I thought I could redesign this site in 24 hours.

Wow, was I wrong!

It actually took me about 3 days to get all this done. I want to give props once again to Chad, for the great photo shoot, and to Wifey, for being so supportive, and understanding, while I did this, with me being on the computer for hours on end.

Okay, with that out of the way, it's time for me to reply to some Wall Scratchings, which is really, my favorite part about doing this shit!

Let's get to it!

Name: Joe
Site Rating: 10

Comments: fuck yeah man..

the water balloon/gun fight was the funnest thing i have done for a while

Joe is one of my favorite, hardest working employees. This is in reference to my post on June 5th, 2007, about the rediculous water battle, where Joe sprayed me in the face with a watergun, as many times as he could.

Not much for me to respond to here, so lets move on...

Name: amy
Site Rating: 10

Comments: Hey Ted just wanted to let you know I stopped by to catch up on everything you've posted since I've been on the computer last. Great job. And I also am anti-myspace. It is a predator's playground. Let's post my name, location, where I hang out, and all the names of my friends. Oh, and here are some pics so it'll be easier to find me. What a fucking brilliant idea.

Thank You! That's what I've been trying to tell people! It's about time I had someone who was on my side! Everyone else just thinks I'm crazy! Myspace is fucking evil!

For anyone who doesn't know, Amy is one of the old school, original fans of this site, formally called "Club Ted". She doesn't come around as much due to "computer difficulties", but I love to see her still checking in after.....wow, it's been like 6-7 years. Go Amy!

Apparently, Joy doesn't agree with what Amy says. Although, Joy might as well be the spokesperson for Myspace, and everything related...

Name: Joy-o-gasm
Site Rating: 10

Comments: Love the new layout. Lookin' SNAZZY yo.

& dude, amy, that's why you can put "PRIVATE" for your profile.

Joy, the bottom line #1, Whiteboystyle Wall Scratching poster. Thanks for the props Joy, despite all the horrible things we say about eachother, I know it's out of love.....or is it?

And don't give Amy shit, I need to keep my oldschool fans coming back....she's one of the good guys!

Now I will get into one of the......more odd posts...

This was sent a few days ago....

Name: The One & Only.....
Site Rating: 10

Comments: First of all... "WHAT'S GONNA WORK??? TEAMWORK! WHATS GONNA WORK?? TEAMWORK!" time for some celewy??? lmao

second of all....um....what the fuck was my second of all??? damn it! well....

u suck.

This is in response to my post June 5th, 2007, about how I want to dress as Elmer Fudd, and kill the Wonder Pets. The fact that someone actually knows the words to the songs creeps me out a little. The sad thing is, I find myself singing that song in the shower on a regular basis.

But wait, theres more....

Name: The One & Only.....
Site Rating: 10

Comments: HA! I remember my second of all you bastard! Thought you'd get away with not knowing didn't you???

Take the God damn old english text off this thing! I'm blind as it is, now I have to decipher this shit!?!?!?! If you want to keep this important viewer then DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! <--ben stiller, dukes of hazard. DO IT! Make it pretty fucker!

Okay, so apparently, this is someone I know.....but I have no clue, who the hell it is. I've been asking around for a couple of days now, with no answer. I don't know whats wrong with the text....I've never had any complaints about the site being hard to read....you confuse me!

Oh.....and theres still more....

Name: The One & Only.....
Site Rating: 10

Comments: i feel so out of touch with everything. it actually makes me sad to even come on here... i feel like i never belonged and that i dont now...

sorry about the pity party, im done!

so fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!stupid whiny babies!!!

I give up!

I have no fucking clue who the hell you are!

I'm going to guess you're a little on the tipsy side when you come here though.

I'm assuming you're a chick....cuz I don't know a lot of emotional, gay men....

umm....I guess I haven't seen you in a while....but that could be anyone, I don't even remember the last time I saw Aaron.

I gotta know, hit me up, and tell me who the fuck you are!

Unless you like torturing me...

I'm too cute to torture!

See? That's my excuse when I get kidnapped by terrorists.

Works everytime!
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