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WhiteboyStyle.com //The Most Offensive Fucker Around//
Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
I'm On Vacation, And You Suck!
Posted @ 8:11pm
Yesterday began my first day of my 8 day long vacation. Time for me to sit back, relax, unwind, scratch my balls, and flip off all the kids on every school bus that passes me!
Yes, life does seem much sweeter knowing that my only responsibility for the next day is taking a healthy dump, bagging it, and chucking it at my neighbors window!
This also leaves me much more time to rebuild the shattered remains of this website. It's been 2 long weeks since my last update, but please believe that it's only because I'm lazy, and not because I have no love for the empire I have worked so hard to build!
Some things to look forward to:
-My Week Long Study of The Oprah Winfrey Show
-My Day In Traffic Court, Better Than Judge Judy On PMS
-Episodes of Dora The Explorer, With Special Commentary By Ed Philly
-Y Mucho Mucho Mas!
So be prepared loyal readers, for if you thought I have been rude, offensive, obnoxious, or an all around ass in the past....I promise you, I have much in store for the upcoming week!
Stay tuned bitches!
XoXoXo
-Ed Philly
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Sign The Wall//IM Me
My Buddy & Me
Posted @ 8:06pm
I'm in desperate search for an angry midget to follow me around on daily travels. Making fun of people on my own is just too overwhelming at times. I need a mini side kick. If you're an angry midget looking for work, contact me immediately, for I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you!
Qualifications-Must Be Angry
-Must Be A Midget
-Must Be Willing To Wield A Baseball Bat On A Daily Basis
-Must Be Able To Spew Obscenities (English & Spanish Prefered)
-Must Have A Passion For Their Career, And Future Opportunities
If that's you, you got a job!
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Sign The Wall//IM Me
Cast Your Vote
Posted @ 6:32pm
With October 31st quickly approaching, Aaron and I are left with the tough choice of: What we are going to be for Halloween! We were tossing around some ideas at the bar last night, when Aaron came up with the brilliant idea of letting you, my wonderful, loyal readers, choose what we will dress as for this upcoming holiday!
Let's begin!
This is Aaron and I!
Aaron and I have been like brothers for the past 10 years! We are one the best comedic duos in the world, and former kings of Worthington. Half the people we know, would not be who they are without our influence (a lot of them would have been better off without us....but that's neither here, nor there). Therefore, when we do something, it's always gotta be big! We don't just show up to parties....we take them over! Thus making the choice of our Halloween apparel extremely important. Heres choice #1:
Cledus & CledusSo those are the choices. If you would like to help us decide who to be for Halloween, we would greatly appreciate it. You can cast your vote by clicking the link below. I'll eventually move it over to the side bar, but it's fine here for now!
Cledus & Cledus are our famous alter egos from our Rap demo, and last years Halloween party at Doubles. They're two brothers from Kin-Tucky, who love 2 things: Coon & Poon! They don't understand much, but rarely hesitate to tell you exactly how they feel about ya!
J.D. & Turk From Scrubs
I never really liked the show Scrubs, until one evening when I was bored outta my mind, and it was the only thing on tv at the time. After watching a full episode, my jaw was to the floor. I couldn't believe it....Aaron and I are fucking J.D. and Turk! The similarities are insane! So, when I started running the idea by people of us going as JD & Turk for Halloween, everyone loved it, especially Aaron! On the plus side, playing JD & Turk is much easier than being Cledus & Cledus. Putting fake teeth in your mouth, and talking like a hick all night is no easy task!
Fernando & Kevin
Fernando & Kevin are two characters Aaron and I came up with seperately, and thought it would be hilarious to one day bring them together! Kevin, played by me, is a scrawny, lonely, pathetic nerd, who lives with his mom, but believes he's better than everyone else in the world. With his slightly gay accent, and strange lisp, it's hard for me to keep a straight face while pretending to be him! Kevin is one of my favorite persons to act as...but I've yet to have an opportunity to bring him out.
Aaron, being the notorious prank caller that he is, one day decided to just start speaking like a Mexican name Fernando when he called people. Just to let you know, if you ever get a prank call from Aaron, you're in for a treat. He's one of the best out there, and really sticks to his character! I've known the guy forever, and he even pulled Fernando off on me. He actually made me so mad that I was ready to rush to the bar and fuck someone up!
One day we came up with the idea to make a movie of the two, doing something retarded, like going to the zoo, or some shit like that. However, we will have to wait and see!
Every vote counts!
Cast Your Vote
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Sign The Wall//IM Me
The Oprah Experiment: Day 1
Posted @ 6:05pm
My entire life, all I've ever heard from older, feminist women, and metro sexual/gay males, is how awesome Oprah is. She's become a goddess of Hollywood celebrities, and the best friend of horny housewives everywhere. I decided to do an experiment to try and find out why Oprah has this untouchable power over people. I've dedicated 5 days to sit, and watch the Oprah Winfrey show, in hopes that I too can find out what makes Oprah, the most powerful woman in the world!
Day 1: Old Naked Women, and MakeoversIn closing, I have yet to figure out the seductive drawing power Oprah has, but alas, this is still only day 1. I got 4 more fucking days of this shit!Of course, the first day I decide to watch this damn show, it's all about naked 65 year old women. At the start of the show, Oprah asked me if I would have the balls to pose nude on a billboard shown in the middle of Times Square! The answer for me, was yes, however, I could tell by the quick screen shots of the old, ugly, middle aged women in the audience, that they were having none of that! Turns out, Dove is doing a campaign for women over 50, by having them pose nude for their ads. I don't know what fucking perverted retard came up with this career suicide idea, but Dove loved it.
They scouted out tons of grandmas from the nursing homes, grocery stores, and bingo parlors to audition for these ads. After picking out a handful of candidates that were still alive, they got them butt ass nekkid, and began, what can only be described as, the most god awful photo shoot in the history of man kind.
What sickens me even more is, the woman who actually had her naked body put on the billboard did not hesitate to bring her entire family to the unveiling of the billboard.
"Hey bro, what are you getting into today?"
"Fuck man, I gotta go look a giant 20 foot tall picture of my naked grandma!"
"NICE!"
Finally, Oprah showed the photos of the woman, and the 5 others who were chosen for the other ads. I then proceeded to profusely vomit all over myself.....twice.
And then I masturbated!
Oddly enough, I used Dove lotion as lube!
May god have mercy on my soul!
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Sign The Wall//IM Me
