Whiteboystyle.com

I want to start off by saying how EXTREMELY rare it is for me to give shout outs to people. The fact that I just loathe people in general should really emphasize the amount of love I have for the blogs listed here.

You’re probably wondering why I’m even bothering with this post if I have such a dislike for people, so let me explain.

To keep my brain busy last night, I thought it would be an awesome idea to build a Twitter Bot. My intention wasn’t to spam people, but mainly I was just doing it so I could say I did. The bots primary function is to track down every tweet involving the words “Read My Blog”, and retweeting it. The ultimate goal being to help the blogging community spread the word of their site, and maybe even attract some new visitors.

Well, the bot has been cranking out some solid retweets of blog posts all day, and I have read a solid 80% of them, and wow, almost all of them are fucking AWFUL!

Reading all those blog posts made me realize how lucky I am to have a solid group of blogs in my bookmarks. While a few are fairly common, some are counting down the days to a major traffic explosion. I figured, with all the crap out there, I should really take a moment to show people all the great content they may be missing out on.

With that, I give you the Six Blogs You Should Be Reading:

In no particular order….

BlueZer0 – While it may come off as hokey at first, if you really take the time to dig through the history of this site, you’ll realize how hilarious, and crazy these guys are. Run by The Fat Kid, and figurehead, Decanus Picto, BlueZer0 reports on the supernatural, and UFO activity happening in the heart of Columbus, Ohio. Personally, I think some of the work they’ve been pushing out the past few months has been some of their best, but once again, you have to dig into their history a bit to really get some of their subtle humor. It’s funny, informative, and updated regularly every Sunday. Make sure you add them to your bookmarks!

The Bloggess – There’s not much need to plug this one, as The Bloggess is probably the Queen of the internet right now, and absolutely deserves it. Her posts are some of the funniest I’ve ever read, and the blog is updated frequently. If you ignore every other link in this post, I urge you to check this one out if you’ve never had the chance to read it. I promise you will not be disappointed!

OutNumbered – While it’s not updated as much as it used to be, this was probably the blog I read the most in 2010. A blog about a father in a house full of women, the posts on this blog are intelligent, and extremely entertaining. Not sure if he’s currently stuck in a rut, or if lifes gotten too busy for him, but this is a blog I’ve begged to make a comeback. Despite the lack of updates, the archives will certainly keep you entertained for weeks!

All Fooked Up – Not only does the name crack me up, the blog is jam packed with solid content. Funny, smart, and well written, if you can honestly read this blog and not find something to like, you obviously have no soul!

Kid Free Living – I really can’t say enough good things about this one. Run by kick ass web designer, Amy Vansant, who also happens to be one of my favorite tweeters, this site is just fun to read! Her blog mainly consists of humors stories, social media reviews, and my personal favorite…booze! It’s updated regularly, and is always well worth the read.

Just Making Convo – This one has me laughing my ass off every fucking time. Her post Friends For Life… deserves a fucking award! Maybe it’s the combination of bitchiness, sarcasm, and wit that makes me such a huge fan, all I know for sure though is this blog is quickly working it’s way to my personal #1 favorite!

Well, there it is, the best of the fucking best! I hope you take a few moments to check out some, if not all of these blogs. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

The FBI declaring Juggalos a gang may be the most sad, and hilarious thing I’ve heard all week. Last time I checked, Juggalos were a bunch of retarded hillbillies and wannabe posers who acted tough, but in reality, were a bunch of giant pussies stealing their sisters make up, and living in their moms basements.

If you ask the FBI though, this is what they have to say:

The Juggalos, a loosely-organized hybrid gang, are rapidly expanding into many US communities although recognized as a gang in only four states, many Juggalos subsets exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence law enforcement officials in at least 21 states have identified criminal Juggalo subsets, according to NGIC reporting

Most crimes committed by Juggalos are sporadic, disorganized, individualistic, and often involve simple assault, personal drug use and possession, petty theft, and vandalism however, open source reporting suggests that a small number of Juggalos are forming more organized subsets and engaging in more gang-like criminal activity, such as felony assaults, thefts, robberies, and drug sales social networking websites are a popular conveyance for Juggalo sub-culture to communicate and expand.

Wait, Juggalos are getting more organized? I couldn’t believe it, so i decided to go straight to the source, and find out what a REAL Juggalo thought about the situation…

Disclaimer: The following video is just fucking awful…and really fucking long. By no means do I expect anyone to sit through the full 10 minutes of this video. In fact, I recommend you don’t watch the full thing. Hell, I’ll be impressed if you can sit through 3 minutes. You’ve been warned.

Well, that was absolutely no help at all. Turns out not even the fucking Juggalos know what the fuck they are. Hell, by this dudes definition, not only am I NOT a Juggalo, but I also AM a Juggalo.

That’s fucking deep, man!

I’m gonna be honest though, if I see three morons coming at me in clown make up trying to jump me, the FIRST thing I’m going to do is tell them I’m calling their moms! I imagine that should atleast scare off one of them. I will then proceed to mock the other two until they cry. I say we put up the Juggalos against the Crips, and see how that “gang war” turns out. I don’t care how much Faygo the Juggalos are packing, odds are they’re going down pretty quick.

At the end of the day, if you’re dumb enough to put on clown make up, and listen to two 40 year old morons who ARE STILL rapping about smoking pot, and fucking my mom, you deserve to be mocked. It’s just fucking SAD!

This is going to be one of those posts that leaves my inbox getting flooded with loyal fans thinking I’m a hater. It’s going to be like the Twilight thing all over again, but this needs to be said!

With the Big Bang Theory now in syndication, it’s being played on multiple channels during times when theres nothing else really on to watch anyway. On top of that, my 8 year old daughter has seemed to fall in love with the show, so if it’s not on due to us being distracted, and not changing the channel, it’s on because my daughter likes watching shows about nerds. I honestly gave the show a chance, and I won’t lie, it’s given me a chuckle here and there, but overall, the show annoys the shit out of me.

I think the part that bothers me the most is, I can’t understand how the 2 nerdy main characters, who are apparently brilliant, and have made huge scientific discoveries, have to live in such a shitty little apartment. Not only do they live in a shitty apartment, but they can’t afford to live in this shitty apartment without a roommate. Meanwhile, the hot blonde across the hall, who works at the fucking Cheesecake Factory seems to get by just fine living in her apartment on her own.

Shouldn’t these guys be millionaires? I just can’t believe two brilliant minds with such high profile jobs, and accolades are too dumb to figure out their own finances and live on their own.

That, and Sheldon is annoying as shit, and should be beaten profusely on a daily basis. How anyone can tolerate this guys is beyond me.

Am I all alone on this one? Someone PLEASE back me up here!

According to the experts, the American economy is in the shitter. Unemployment is at record highs, and many Americans are struggling to get by. If that’s the case, I would assume people who actually have jobs would be grateful to be getting a paycheck.

Apparently, that’s not the case.

For me specifically, I have a constant struggle keeping my work staffed. It’s not that I don’t have an adequate amount of people, it’s just they never fucking show up to work! Then I fire them, and they cry, “Oh, I got kids to feed, bills to pay…”.

THEN SHOW UP TO FUCKING WORK!

Am I wrong here? I didn’t realize I was running a fucking charity!

Despite my personal issues, there’s another major problem the employed are having, and that’s their fucking attitude. I’m not much of complainer when it comes to those in customer service. When I go to the gas station, I honestly prefer you not to be full of sunshine and fucking rainbows. All I need is to get in, and get out as quick as possible with as little chit chat as possible. Yet, what’s been happening a lot lately is I’ve been getting blown off by several cashiers, and attendants.

Today, I go into a Speedway to grab some smokes. The place is empty, yet I have to wait 3 minutes and 45 seconds for the cashier (who knows I’m in there) to get off their ass in the office and come help me out. I’m a business man, the first thing I was taught was without customers, your service is obsolete. Why the fuck do I have to wait for you to quit playing on Facebook to come ring me up? I didn’t realize I could get a job at Speedway and get paid to sit on my fucking ass all day! Sounds like a great business model!

Yesterday, I’m buying my birthday recliner from Big Lots. I spend about 15 minutes deciding what I wanted. No employee came to check on me. Normally, I’m okay with that, I’ll find you when I need you, but the problem was, there was no one to be found when I actually needed to be rung up. By the time I actually did find someone, they blew me off to help someone who had just walked in, and then disappeared again. I actually had to go to a different department, and drag an employee over to help me out.

People should be happy they have a job, and if you have a job, even one you hate, atleast try to excel at it.

The problem is, everyone wants to bitch about shit, and have everything handed to them as opposed to going out and doing an honest days work. I say we get a time machine, and bring back all those hard working blue collar guys from the 50′s and 60′s to show this new generation how the fuck shit should get done!

I’m done with people complaining about wanting an IPad, or a new car…

Fuck you, go work for it…and I mean do legitimate WORK!

Sure, I bitch about shit I want too, but I know that when my ass can afford it, that’s when I deserve it. I gave up my PS3 2 years ago for that reason. Trust me, I REALLY FUCKING WANT MY PS3 BACK, but when I can buy one without risking losing my electricity, or running out of food, or gas, then I’ll get it back.

Quit being fucking lazy, America! You want a fancy ass house, go fucking do something about it! Get a job, hell, get 2 jobs! That’s one thing I don’t see enough of now a days! I worked 2 jobs for YEARS!!

In closing, next time so see some chump bumming cigarettes, or money, and bitching about all the things they don’t have, do me a favor and tell them Ed Philly says, “FUCK YOU! FUUUUCCCKKKK YOOOOUUUUU!”, and give em the finger!

If you’re new around here, let me catch you up to speed on a few important things to know about me and this websites.

1) I enjoy drinking….often excessively.
2) I enjoy cursing…..often excessively.

With that said, let’s talk about my new favorite grocery store, Kroger! You see, Kroger knows how to please a guy like me.

Do you know why?

It’s the only store I’ve been to where the alcohol section takes up a solid 45% of the store! It’s like a fucked up Willy Wonka Factory full of beer! Chocolate beer, fruity beer, nasty beer, German beer, beers with dogs playing poker on the label, they have it all covered. Not only that, but they have this super awesome feature, “BUILD YOUR OWN 6 PACK!”

OMG!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to build a 6 pack when a variety of 100 (possibly nasty) beers are sitting in front of you? With silly names like “Smelly Pig”, “Fat Viking”, “Drunk Ogre”, and “Natural Light”, it made it nearly impossible for me to choose! But choose I did, and if my beer choosing were anything like the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, one could say I chose……unwisely.

Thrilled to go home and try out my new brew, I hit up Blacknight, giddy as a school girl, to see if he wanted to have an official “Beer Tasting” session with me.

Together, he and I sat, while NomieHomie played bartender, filling our glasses, as we tried all 6 beers. The first one, Sweaty Betty (which I bought because I thought it was called Slutty Betty, and was greatly disappointed), was alright. Nothing special. We figured the rest of the beers could only get better.

Stay Away From The Monkey

Then came the 400 Pound Monkey…

Let me tell you about 400 Pound Monkey….

This has to be the most DISGUSTING beer I have ever put in my mouth, and I’ve drank “211 Steel Reserves”!!

It was like….poisonous monkey farts going down my throat, with an after taste that lingers for a solid 2 hours. Suddenly we realize, we can’t finish this shit, but we certainly can’t waste it. Nothing else to do but to chug the damn thing.

Let me tell you something else about 400 Pound Monkey….NEVER ATTEMPT TO CHUG IT!

It took a lot of strength to consume that crap, but somehow we did it, and eventually made it to Purple Haze, which we drank while playing Purple Haze.

At the end of it all, we had an empty 6 pack, a slight buzz, and the stale taste of 400 Pound Monkey still lingering in our mouths. Makes me kind of happy I didn’t pick up “Smelly Pig”.